“When you give yourself permission to shine, you’re unconsciously giving permission for other people shine.” My wise guide said this to me one afternoon. As usual, I was stunned. Permission to shine….permission to shine…permission to shine?? Was I giving myself permission to shine? Hmm, I would say, hardly. I kept a very tight lid on my shine, guarding it ever so watchfully.
How could I even begin to shine, when fear, doubt and anxiety were woven into the fibre of my being? In truth, I could hardly see the light in myself. I was born from the darkness. I lived in the darkness. I was a victim to the circumstances of my life. There was a deep schism within myself – that inherently good, and pure part of me in my original state and that rebellious child that was allured by the darkness, enslaved to fear and anxiety. I constantly vacillated back and forth between the two. All I really knew was that I wanted to be different and extraordinary. Acting through my shadow self, my fears and insecurities, was the only way I knew how. And tt became a thick blanket of cloud that hid my inner sun. What I didn’t know was that by letting your light shine, you are revealing the unique, extraordinary being that you actually are!
My guide sent me this quote by Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror for a really long time. Not in a surface, superficial type of way. But I gazed into my eyes and looked into the depths of my soul. To tell you the truth, I didn’t like what I saw. I saw the mistakes that were made, the fear, and the darkness. I was haunted by my past. I was only a shadow, a wall flower. I could only see the things that I didn’t like about myself. After spending god-knows how long in there, I begin to be aware of my negative train of thoughts. After I became aware of the negativity, I was able to separate myself from it. Where did these thoughts even come from? These words bounced around in my mind – it is our light, OUR LIGHT that most frightens us. So why and what was I hiding that even I couldn’t see for myself. Something turned within me, like a spark or a click and in that moment, I made a resolute decision that I would change the things that I disliked and accept the things that I couldn’t change. It was the first time I really saw hope within myself and the light began to shine through the cracks.
In the beginning, this light is fragile as it is just gaining strength. I would cultivate the flame and in excitement of this beauty within me, I would reveal it too soon to my environment, only for it to get blown out by the conditions. That’s what happens when you’re a sensitive – intuitive. Also, when you’re predisposed to an environment that is not always positive, protection is necessary, most especially when interacting with other people.
Whenever my light would be blown out, I would go into hibernation. Here in hibernation, I looked myself in the eyes and told myself every day that I am Light, and I am a confident, capable woman who has the ability of divine manifestation. I am the creator of my reality. I have the power and responsibility to create profound change in all the ways that I desired. I told myself everyday that I am happy – happier than I’ve ever been before! I said these things out loud, super charged with enthusiasm. In the beginning, it was just a chore. It was hard work. I was telling myself things that weren’t true, and trying to convince my stubborn brain to think otherwise. Jedi Mind Tricks. Then slowly but surely, reality begin to shift before my very eyes. I woke up each morning feeling a little lighter, a little brighter. I could feel the energy accumulating within me and my flame getting stronger and stronger.
12. Conscious thought, then, is master of this sun centre from which the life and energy of the entire body flows and the quality of the thought which we entertain determines the quality of the thought which this sun will radiate, and the character of the thought which our conscious mind entertains will determine the character of the thought which this sun will radiate, and the nature of the thought which our conscious mind entertains will determine the nature of thought which this sun will radiate, and consequently will determine the nature of the experience which will result.
13. It is evident, therefore, that all we have to do is let our light shine; the more energy we can radiate, the more rapidly shall we be enabled to transmute undesirable conditions into sources of pleasure and profit. The important question, then, is how to let this light shine; how to generate this energy.
My experience is evident that we are what we think we are. We are the language that we speak to ourselves and others. It’s as simple as that. Knowing this, it really calls us to take a closer look at ourselves and keep track of the thoughts that shoot around in our brain. It beckons us to be precise with the language that we use when speaking to ourselves and other people because our words hold such power and meaning.
But don’t take my word for it. I challenge you to become aware of your thoughts, speech, and action. Then begin to eliminate the negativity. Hold and wrap yourself in thoughts of love and joy. Even on those days where you really don’t feel like it but need it the most. Remember that if we’ve been negative or in the dark for so long, we need to put that much time and effort in order to walk a path in the positive light. We are training ourselves to create new habits in our lives so that we can live in abundance, and in light.
Even the moth emerges from the darkness in pursuit of light.