3 – Let Your Light Shine

“When you give yourself permission to shine, you’re unconsciously giving permission for other people shine.” My wise guide said this to me one afternoon. As usual, I was stunned. Permission to shine….permission to shine…permission to shine?? Was I giving myself permission to shine? Hmm, I would say, hardly. I kept a very tight lid on my shine, guarding it ever so watchfully.

How could I even begin to shine, when fear, doubt and anxiety were woven into the fibre of my being? In truth, I could hardly see the light in myself. I was born from the darkness. I lived in the darkness. I was a victim to the circumstances of my life. There was a deep schism within myself – that inherently good, and pure part of me in my original state and that rebellious child that was allured by the darkness, enslaved to fear and anxiety. I constantly vacillated back and forth between the two. All I really knew was that I wanted to be different and extraordinary. Acting through my shadow self, my fears and insecurities, was the only way I knew how. And tt became a thick blanket of cloud that hid my inner sun. What I didn’t know was that by letting your light shine, you are revealing the unique, extraordinary being that you actually are!

My guide sent me this quote by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror for a really long time. Not in a surface, superficial type of way. But I gazed into my eyes and looked into the depths of my soul. To tell you the truth, I didn’t like what I saw. I saw the mistakes that were made, the fear, and the darkness. I was haunted by my past. I was only a shadow, a wall flower. I could only see the things that I didn’t like about myself. After spending god-knows how long in there, I begin to be aware of my negative train of thoughts. After I became aware of the negativity, I was able to separate myself from it. Where did these thoughts even come from? These words bounced around in my mind – it is our light, OUR LIGHT that most frightens us. So why and what was I hiding that even I couldn’t see for myself. Something turned within me, like a spark or a click and in that moment, I made a resolute decision that I would change the things that I disliked and accept the things that I couldn’t change. It was the first time I really saw hope within myself and the light began to shine through the cracks.

In the beginning, this light is fragile as it is just gaining strength. I would cultivate the flame and in excitement of this beauty within me, I would reveal it too soon to my environment, only for it to get blown out by the conditions. That’s what happens when you’re a sensitive – intuitive. Also, when you’re predisposed to an environment that is not always positive, protection is necessary, most especially when interacting with other people.

Whenever my light would be blown out, I would go into hibernation. Here in hibernation, I looked myself in the eyes and told myself every day that I am Light, and I am a confident, capable woman who has the ability of divine manifestation. I am the creator of my reality. I have the power and responsibility to create profound change in all the ways that I desired. I told myself everyday that I am happy – happier than I’ve ever been before! I said these things out loud, super charged with enthusiasm. In the beginning, it was just a chore. It was hard work. I was telling myself things that weren’t true, and trying to convince my stubborn brain to think otherwise. Jedi Mind Tricks. Then slowly but surely, reality begin to shift before my very eyes. I woke up each morning feeling a little lighter, a little brighter. I could feel the energy accumulating within me and my flame getting stronger and stronger.

12. Conscious thought, then, is master of this sun centre from which the life and energy of the entire body flows and the quality of the thought which we entertain determines the quality of the thought which this sun will radiate, and the character of the thought which our conscious mind entertains will determine the character of the thought which this sun will radiate, and the nature of the thought which our conscious mind entertains will determine the nature of thought which this sun will radiate, and consequently will determine the nature of the experience which will result.

13. It is evident, therefore, that all we have to do is let our light shine; the more energy we can radiate, the more rapidly shall we be enabled to transmute undesirable conditions into sources of pleasure and profit. The important question, then, is how to let this light shine; how to generate this energy. 

My experience is evident that we are what we think we are. We are the language that we speak to ourselves and others. It’s as simple as that. Knowing this, it really calls us to take a closer look at ourselves and keep track of the thoughts that shoot around in our brain. It beckons us to be precise with the language that we use when speaking to ourselves and other people because our words hold such power and meaning.

But don’t take my word for it. I challenge you to become aware of your thoughts, speech, and action. Then begin to eliminate the negativity. Hold and wrap yourself in thoughts of love and joy. Even on those days where you really don’t feel like it but need it the most. Remember that if we’ve been negative or in the dark for so long, we need to put that much time and effort in order to walk a path in the positive light. We are training ourselves to create new habits in our lives so that we can live in abundance, and in light.

Even the moth emerges from the darkness in pursuit of light.

Love,
Your Sun.

 

 

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2 – The Story We Tell Ourselves

What if I told you that you are the story that you tell yourself? Would that change how you speak to yourself?

Last week, I wrote about my world without. Really, it’s an easy place to begin because the world without is tangible and visible to all. However, trying to change the world without is merely trying to change the effect, or what has already happened. It’s the world within that’s the cause and where real change occurs. It’s like planting a seed and a sunflower blooms, but after it blooms you would rather have a rose. It’s impossible to change a sunflower to a rose. The natural law just doesn’t work like that. In order to have that rose, we would have to go down to the root where the original seed was planted and plant rose seeds in it’s place. Remember how I tried to change my poverty and illness by re-arranging external circumstances in my life? Same concept – gotta dig deep and plant the correct seeds. And before we can even begin to get to the root of it all, we have to accept that it’s a part of us and we’re the ones who planted the seeds in the first place. Then we can do some real work.

We are the story that we tell ourselves. These are the seeds that we’re planting.

14. It is often true that conditions of fear, worry, poverty, disease, inharmony and evils of all kinds dominate us by reason of false suggestion (stories we tell ourselves) accepted by the unguarded subconscious mind…

Our subconscious mind is a fertile ground. Every single thought that flashes through our mind is a seed that is being planted.

Let me tell you the story that I was telling myself…

  • I believed that money was evil and that for a spiritual person it was unnecessary and useless. Love was the currency that I exchanged.
  • I told myself that I got “sick all the time” and that my “immune system was weak.”
  • I didn’t want to be close to anybody because I was a cold hearted bitch (CHB). I said that no one in my life understood me. I valued my independence, and aloneness, ultimately driving my isolation.
  • I couldn’t look myself in my own eyes.
  • I said that I was depressed and had anxiety.
  • I was never good enough.
  • I didn’t love myself.

And this is exactly what manifested in my life – poverty, fear, anxiety, and illness. They were fundamental to who I was and the life path that I created for myself. Even the environment that I was raised in was conducive to perpetuating this discourse. It was the story that was constantly being told in my head and being reinforced by what was around me! It’s no wonder my world without was a mess. It was only reflecting the chaos that was within.

Slowly, I began to change the story I told myself. We’re talking about taking the eraser to years of bad story telling and beginning again with a blank page. Often times it means unlearning truths that our whole being has accepted. How do we even do that? Here’s the key: through the principle of autosuggestion and the implementation of the mental diet, I was able to take control of my narrative. Also known as, brain training.

…All this the trained conscious mind can entirely prevent by its vigilant protective action. It may properly be called “the watchman at the gate” of the great subconscious domain.

The mental diet is the most important diet that you can ever take on. The mental diet is as follows: for seven days I must not allow myself to dwell for a single moment on any kind of negative thought. When on the mental diet, we are to watch every thought that enters the mind like a hawk. As Emmet Fox says, “When I change my mind my conditions must change too. We are transformed by the renewing of our minds.” This is where we begin to have choice in our lives! We get to choose what to dwell on, what we allow enter into our beautiful, fertile garden. It’s as though we were always a circumstance to the situation. Now, we get to choose and create the desired situation for ourselves.

And I began to pick and choose. I watched and filtered every single thought that would enter my mind like a hawk. “You can’t ever accomplish that. How would you even do that…” I would hear a tiny voice in my head echo in the background. NOPE, GET OUT OF HERE. So many little voices that are telling me otherwise. But through this practice, I began to clear away the negativity that had accumulated over the years. It’s as though my mind was a over-grown garden full of weeds and brambles and I was taking a hori hori to it. This is some serious physical labor, time, dedication and effort to be put into. However, through this initial investment, we begin to clear to way for new seeds to be sown and new stories to be told…

And it’s totally worth it. Because you’re worth it.

Love, Your Sun.

P.S. I’m on Day 1 of my mental diet.

 

1 – Mirror of the 2Worlds

35. A majority of mankind lives in the world without; few have found the world within, and yet it is the world within that makes the world without; it is therefore creative and everything which you find in your world without has been created by you in the world within. 

When I was first introduced to the gravity of this notion- that my world without, (or the surroundings that make up my physical reality), was purely and completely a reflection of my world within, (or my inner states), I was in total and utter disbelief. Maybe I wasn’t ready to hear that the pretty and padded view I had of myself was anything less than perfect.

I felt anger welling up in my chest from deep within. I wanted to yell, “You’re a liar, you don’t know what I’ve been through. How can you say that it’s all me? You don’t even know me…” at my ever so patient guide, the light who introduced this notion to me. But at the same time, what reason did he have to lie to me? And lie to me in such a profound, radical way that blew my mind? At that point, I had reached an all time low in my life and I was living in a silent desperation for anyone…anything to lift me out of the veil of darkness. And really, I didn’t know if it was the truth or a very complicated hoax. I kept my mouth shut and half-heartedly started my journey in search for the answer.

I took inventory of my current life state…

  • I was living paycheck to paycheck
  • I was working a job with no structure, very little respect, shaky leadership and as a bonus, my desk was situated next to a large pile of broken cameras
  • I found myself casually dating a narcissist and a hypnotist, both with bad intentions.
  • I was sick almost all the time with chronic headaches, gastro-intestinal issues, and weakened immune system
  • I had broken relationships with nearly everyone in my life – my family, my friends, and basically any living thing I came in contact with.
  • I was living in an apartment plagued with bugs and perpetual heat
  • I had a black hole in the center of my chest
  • I was going out to search for purpose by numbing myself with people, parties, alcohol and drugs.

Really, I didn’t need to take inventory of my life to know that a lot of things were amiss. I could feel it. I was trying my best to take hold of my life and shift gears in the only way I knew how, which was by changing my external surroundings– moving from one state to another — moving from one bad relationships to another — going from one party to the next — one drink after another, one joint after another — sick one day, happy the next, bump in the road, and I’m spiraling.

This was the first time that I took a magnifying glass to look at myself and the state of my life. It was not pretty. In fact, it was terrifying and overwhelming. Because now I knew that the two worlds, the world within and the world without, mirror each other. After uncovering all the dust that I swept under the rug and the skeletons I kept in my closet, I had to come to terms that I had created all this misery and suffering for myself. It was me. It all came from within me. It was created by me, for me.

If I ever thought that trying to change the environment was hard, I was in for an utter and complete surprise at the challenge it takes to change the self. We’re talking about changing years of habits ingrained into every fiber of your being. We’re talking about breaking yourself apart, cracking through those preconceived notions, purging, and clearing. This is serious work that requires dedication and perseverance. We’re talking about 24/7 for weeks on end, at least until new habits form.

But I was lucky.

Through the gift of the Universe and a very generous invitation from my guide, I accepted the Challenge. I made a resolute decision that I would do whatever it takes to have happiness, harmony, and wealth in my life. I was sick and tired of living my life in poverty. And in truth, when you reach the lowest point in your life, there is no other choice then to start chipping away at the darkness so that the cracks can let in the infinite, glorious light.

So I embark on my journey once again, to further my mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical growth through the Master Key Experience. I invite you to join me as I write the flashes of insight and reflection on my ever shifting worlds.

As Above, so Below.
As Within, so Without.
As the Universe, so the Soul

Love, Your Sun.